Happy Independence Day! I don't have a substack agenda, but I think I'll enjoy publishing a “thought for the day”. Not every day, but most days.
My kid gets too many presents on birthdays and Christmas. This is not a brag, I get that many kids don't. Also - with the current ubiquity of toys, I'm noticing that toy possession (as a matter of quantity) isn't so much of a privilege marker these days.
We're extremely fortunate to have friends and relatives who feel affection for our kid. It doesn't always translate to reliable togetherness on a day-to-day basis, but I think we're way luckier than most.
I haven't interfered with the flow of gifts because I don't want to meddle with anyone's spontaneous sense of generosity and I get that our son belongs to everyone. But he's about to turn four, and I really couldn't stand it this year. I knew he would tear into a pile of plastic stuff, experience an obvious high, and expect the same all the more at Christmas time.
He belongs to everyone, but he's my responsibility, yes? And the toy pile is so obviously bad for him. It diminishes his gratitude for what he gets, diminishes his ability to enjoy what he has, and distracts him from the genuine purpose of the gathering (exchanging communal nurturance for hospitality).
It's also not in alliance with the values of anyone involved. We're all secretly sad about the enormous hole getting punched in the world for the sake of manufacturing and shipping the pile of semi-disposable plastic toys.
This year I went ahead and wrote on the invitation: '“No toys please, we are blessed with all we need”.
It's going to be a massive barbeque and he'll be having too much fun to be disappointed. We bought him stuff he needs anyway, like a school lunchbox and a baseball hat and swim goggles.
Some folks won't get the memo, or won't believe it. We'll receive what they bring with gratitude (and probably donate it later).
You can say “no” to too many toys!